Saturday, July 31, 2010

Breaking bonds

For the past couple of days, I've been experiencing some funny changes. I've started to question the importance of some relationships in life. It's amusing but I'll share some of them here.

Have you noticed how some relatives only want to be in touch with you till the time you are providing them with gifts, invitations and money? This is the case only with our society I'm guessing, since most of the other countries don't really believe in this concept.

I'm also prey to many of my own misjudgments, I often find myself blindly trusting people and thinking that since I can be nice, may be the others will automatically reciprocate but this is so often not the case. In fact the minute you believe you are comfortable in any relationship, chances are that they will back fire. Don't ask me the reasons, I'm not sure I'm clear on those myself.

Do you think it was just a major failure in relationships and in career that led saints to the mountains to do nothing but pray? Did they feel they could do no more good to the society as people or economically? Were they so embarrassed of their own kind and themselves, that they sought a path of virtual living. I wonder?

Meanwhile, I've been going out of the house to battle my breaking bonds. I've met up with some interesting people and have huge picnics planned for the weekend. You guys have a great weekend as well and do give thoughts to breaking a few bonds.

Calvin Klein Men's Cotton Jersey Graphic Tee,White,X-Large

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Collecting little bags of sunshine

It's amazing how a little bit of sunshine can do wonders for me. Since I stay in Europe, I experience unexpected joys from the weather department. Yesterday being, the sun decided to come out at 7.30 p.m.

The other unexpected incident was that on my way back from the gym, my neighbor, invited me for a bowling game. I was so down in the dumps that I decided to give it a try. I thought how bad could I be against a group of 70 plus people?

As luck would have it I sucked at the game. I took the last place amongst all the 70 year old people. They tried so hard teaching me new techniques and tricks but nothing could change my luck. My constant beer guzzling did no help too.

It was so strange, I actually smiled after losing for may be the first time in a week. Those of you who know me, probably know my obsession with competition and performance. The game was followed by a post(also called as toast in English) to the new members of the group, my husband and me. Also, they said something really touching.They said we'd given them 2 years from our life and had received plenty of blessings. It was such a humbling moment.

All this while I'd been grieving about someone conning me while on the other side there were so many new people who reached out to me with open arms and innocent hearts. So I gained a pocket full of sunshine and a bag full of blessing.

Thanks to those of you who read and wrote and called. I'm doing much better and things are as usual starting to look up.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Lifelessness without belief

This is a term a coined for myself. A term to keep on going. Yesterday I was down in the dumps again. It was for the usual reasons. No sun, lack of company throughout the day and no concrete job as usual. It takes so much to keep going on on some days.

There is something about belief and the lack of it. How many of you have suffered from faith being shattered? Some of you who have suffered would agree that it takes a long time to bring yourself back in to believing. It reminds me of all the times I've been back stabbed. It always was a long and painful journey back to believing again in friendship. Its the same with career. Once you've been rejected by  a company, it takes you sometime to gulp back those tears and get in to action.

Life becomes so shallow and dark without belief. I'm going through this lifelessness. I can't really let you in on what it is but I can ask you to shower me in with some light and hope.

The past couple of days I've not been able to write, paint, or do anything substantial. I don't even know what it is that's left me so devoid of colors. Am I homesick? Am I just miserable without a job or is it the recent deceit I just faced?

For those of you who read this, do pour in some suggestions on how to snap out of this lifelessness.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Finding a Kingdom big enough for ambition

Its official I am obsessed with Alexander. So here is what I did. I had an argument with my hubby over the fact that any revolution or conquest is caused by indignation and provocation.

In the case of Alexander too, it was a result of the provocation caused by his mother Olympias and his teacher Aristotle. Alexander was taught about the great Greek empire and how the world should be one. So he went on his conquests to realize what he had been taught. Another reason was his insecurity about his throne, his father married the beautiful Cleopatra and if she were to bear him a son, he would automatically become a Macedonian heir. As life would have it, some say he planned the assassination of his father and his mother burned the beautiful Cleopatra with her daughter. And he ruled the world as we know it.

How apt? Isn't it? There is not much difference in our times thanks to the politics in our country. This is one topic, I always steer clear off : politics.

I can tell you a lot of things I have in common with Alexander like his back problem and the fact that I would burn someone alive if they came so much as close to my family to harm them but the only thing that holds of relevance today is: "Is there a Kingdom big enough for my ambition?"

I also stumbled upon thoughts of "What is the word between greed and necessity?". Greed is too flamboyant and necessity is too pathetic. So is there a word between the two? My friend helped me out today morning, calling it desire. And if I have this desire to fulfill my ambition, what all am I ready to do for it? Where does my Kingdom lie? Hmm...

Where does your Kingdom lie? What all are you ready to do to make that Kingdom come alive? What definition would you give to your Kingdom?



This blog will be dedicated to Alexander the great. After drinking up way too much yesterday, I somehow got obsessed with him. I was in a super-euphoric mood. And somehow I tried making sense out of what it was that drove him to conquer "ends of the world and the great outer see". I also questioned a culture under democracy and the culture under an empire. Think about it, how much of a culture has our democracy given us. What do we really do in a democracy. We borrow cultures, don't we? And how come if it is a democracy, your soul is pretty much still sold to the company you work for? Aren't business men more like the "rulers" today?

Well, all this in a state of high, got me to a point, where I wanted to be a ruler. Now, don't get me wrong, I was not going to be the great "H", as we don't mention him in German. I was in my head the woman who ruled every land she walked on. This is what was open to my interpretation. There are various ways of ruling a land. There is the money aspect which makes your life so much easier and then there is a different aspect, it is called ruling the heart to rule the land. Yes, I made up all this in my head after a few drinks and scribbled on a note-pad.

How does one rule without money or inheritance? The best answer I can propose to you from my little experience is "Education". A good education raises your bar of exposure and intelligence by many fold. If used properly in todays time, you do become the ruler automatically. Every organization that you work for, believe me will value you, wherever you travel people will respect you and listen to you. You will spread your own culture in a way. Also educated people don't adapt to what they are presented with, they mold it with their knowledge and implement it in the way they see it as practical.

So, yeah today, culture may not seem as important to us as technology, but may be that is not such a bad thing, its a part of evolution. And though I may be unaware of cultural value, I already form a cult in itself. Who knows?

But what is definitely worth a thought is that what drove Alexander to his conquests? ;)


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

X-treme Ambition

How many of you suffer from a burning desire? Is there a passion that explodes in your vein. I suffer from it. BIG-TIME.

I sat down today and realized that my holidays just ended. When did I slip in to redundancy? I can blame a whole bunch of the Indian society which has driven me to a point of content. Having the perfect husband in a perfect household environment. But none of this has been able to vanquish my need to make it BIG.

What is BIG? Don't start defining it in your average terms of making a living which fulfills your entertainment. I thought I'd left sub-standard living long back, but it turns out, I've been wasting time as being someone who is just average.

How do you thrive in sub-standard environments. When did I lose myself to complacency? I hated that word. Where has my ambition disappeared?

Well X-treme ambition calls for extreme measures. And there will be a few changes in my life from here-on. I need to find illustrators and publishers to get me on the roll.

So for those of you who tune in today. Pour in your ideas and resurrect me from my ambitious death. I'll do my part from here on.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

10 Faces and still the same me

It struck me today about how many faces we put on in just one day. Waking up in the morning, greeting different people on the street, I'm a jogging enthusiast. I put on this bright sunny smile. Then while I'm making my way through my class, I'm a student. I put on the face of a serious nerd. As I hit the gym or the pool, I've put on a new face. I'm talking to my mom on the web, and I'm the little girl again. I see my annoying class mate, and I'm a bitch..and this is where it all starts.

There are so many different faces we put up in a day, imagine a lifetime. Do you think may be all of us were born actors? We just never knew how to use this talent but deep down inside we are nothing but players. We keep changing our roles depending on the circumstances that you put us in.

This could be disastrous couldn't it? Did you ever come across a person who kept 10 different faces and the 10th one was what you needed to be afraid off. Its like the mythological character Ravan. I think thats where the mythology came from. May be all of us carry these 10 faces around, the trouble props up when you are unable to integrate them and lose yourself to your worst side.

I had been blamed most of my life for taking out the worst in people. This was not limited to just boyfriends gone sore but by my parents and some friends as well. Here is an answer to that mystery today. All of us carry our worst side, our 10 faces, but the question is at the end of the day how many of you can make all of them answerable to every action of yours?

The day you answer that, there will be no need to feel afraid of the 10 faces you put up in a day because it'll still be you.

Think about it.


Monday, July 19, 2010

The curse of monotony

How often do all of you fall under the curse of monotony? When I say this I mean a strict routine that you follow week after week till it almost becomes like a curse on you.

I'm suffering from what I call the monotony curse. I've had the same routine for the past month and a half now. The routine which has my German classes and the gym as permanent fixtures. Meeting the same set of people, having repetitive conversations, having the same drinks, the same hairstyle, all seem like such a drag today.

So, the solution is simple. Its time for a change. How often do all of you suffer from the same "Monotony curse". Here are my ways to spice things up NOW:-

1.Gymming shall be replaced by Aqua-training and water gymnastics.
2.No more wizen beer from now on, only different forms of Radler (Tell me if you need to know more about this drink.)
3.May be add on a new tattoo.( Let me know what I should do this time!)
4.I can't cut my hair again, but I'm going for a new look. (European-ishtyle).
5.No more blogging on my mundane routines( Instead I turn in to a new leaf and read more about what's happening in the world.)
6. No more obsessing with Robert Pattison ( Hell, I need to move on).
7.Get some new music on my play-list.(Pour in some new music for me).

The rest I'll go in by your suggestions. So, all of you, tell me how to break my monotony. I'm sure some of you will come in with some interesting views. Do share.


Thursday, July 15, 2010

The number fetish

Hey have you ever had a fetish for certain numbers in your life? I have. I have this weird fetish for different numbers, so let me amuse you with some.

I have this benchmark to always score an 80%+ on any test. Now since I'm back in school, I'm regularly assessed with assignments and tests. I couldn't sleep today because I wanted to make sure I'd made that percentage. Well, I did make it and so the blog right now. I have another number game for clothes. I hate recurring numbers here, meaning, I can't seem to repeat what I wear. You would think thats an expensive number fetish to keep, but I usually always find my way around. I have a number game in my life for almost every thing, and quiet frankly I enjoy it. I must have 10 socks always. Just in case I plan to indulge in heavy sports everyday of the week. Hmm..

I'm so amused right now, I'm almost out of words. Do you guys also have a number fetish? A special number you relate to all the time? I always find myself drawn to a 2. Why? I always feel its somehow two people like two eyes, two ears, two nostrils...its a balancing number. And surprisingly it works since I have one spine which gives me all the trouble. Hehe. Ok I'm not high or on any substance but I do want to know, is it just me? Or do all of you have a number fetish.

Write in, amuse me.


Noble Truth?

Have you ever felt awful about admitting the truth to someone? I just admitted a nasty truth that made me feel very sad. Its funny how we can go on living with a life full of lies so blissfully while certain truths can cause nothing but disruption. How noble is truth then?

How many of you have ever told the person sitting next to you that they stink? How many of us can tell someone openly about their bad breath or their underarm hair? How often can we admit to repulsion? I don't think we can. But if you do try to, be rest assured its the staring of an end.

Its ironic how much importance is given to this thing called "The truth". The minute you admit to someone about the truth, not only do you stand unguarded in front of them but you also have to worry about being judged. Imagine admitting to your parents that you smoke, that you drink or that you have sex. Bang comes the judgement of being a chain smoker, an alcoholic or a sex addict. It could be less brutal things as well. Imagine admitting to someone that you don't really enjoy their company but you are with them for lack of better options. Now this one could really get you in to trouble. My point is that if the truth serves us so much wrath then how is it so noble?

How does one tell the truth if there are so many strings attached to it? Is it really a white colour? Why the over-emphasis on it?

Most importantly the dilemma: How do you survive without it as well?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Lost friends in the sands of time

This is dedicated to all the friends I've lost to their respective better halves, boyfriends/girlfriends, my ego and of course the useless jobs i spoke about in yesterdays blog. How many of you lost your friends due to the same reason?

They say as you go older, you should bring the people who knew you the best, closer. This comes to me today as I miss the only girlfriend I ever could keep in my life. Time and distance has set us in different lands with different lives.

I wonder what will happen to all of us when we turn 30+, will we still rely on Facebook to re-connect with friends? Don't we find those people shady who FB at 40? Are we to become the next hags on Facebook?

I sure hope not. I still enjoy my coffee and drinks with friends and not just a machine by my side. How do I try to dig and build those old relationships? What if we thought about a time in the day when it is not so necessary to be on the phone, with the laptop,on your job or with your better half. A time where we can be our boorish selves all over again. A time to talk philosophies, new ideas or just mere gossip with friends. Pure Bliss.

Somehow I always felt that keeping my best friends close to me was like keeping a check on evolution. They saw how some parts of me grew while others died. And I could keep a check on theirs. It was a mutual way for us to grow.

I wish I could re-connect with some others who are lost somewhere in the world.

Some friends feel like the grains of sand in your hand or like fading memories which were there but at this point are so distant. This goes out to all those friends of mine. You are missed.


Monday, July 12, 2010

Useless jobs

I'm fed up with the whole world in general. Its sad but everyone today is trapped in a vicious circle of useless jobs. I really want to know how many of you love your job and think what you're doing today is adding any value to you and only you.

We all start at school, where they tell us about how education is important for a better tomorrow. We go to college where we learn formulas that we think will make a better tomorrow. But really, who are we making a better tomorrow for? Our parents, the society, the country, who??

Most of us are caught in jobs that just pay for our entertainment. Some of us will live our whole lives to provide for just that entertainment and sustain. Can any of us ever step out of the sustainment pattern. What happened to being selfish? What happened to visionaries who were never moved by any system. Can any average person with an above average talent, void of inheritance, really make it on their own?

The disturbances that have caught me thinking this way is that today someone really close to me might decide to give up on their dream to land a HR job because people refuse to see true passion or credentials. Some of my friends complained on how they could never realize their true talent because there is a system that will not let them do that.I'm no exception, not yet. I know the reason I get to do what I do, its because I'm not in the system.Use less people everywhere take up jobs meant for you and me. We do their jobs. And the cycle goes on.

Is there a way to get out of this rat race and just be who you are. Can one stand out exceptionally based on just their passion? Are revolutionaries really dead in an ever-evolving world?


Friday, July 9, 2010

Moral issues

Most of you have known me, i refer to whoever reads in my blog everyday, i have a question for you on morality and principles. Usually i would have talked about this with my friends and would have never admitted to any guilt. Confession of a guilt charges you to judgement automatically.

Ok so what is it that is killing me right now. Well, I have some unusual amount in my bank balance that I am pretty sure doesn't belong to me. A few weeks back suddenly a huge amount appeared out of nowhere. I've worked in the banking system for sometime to know that this is a common mistake especially with third party cheques. People mess up with digits.

The issue with an amount like that and keeping it is the temptation. Although its an offshore account so its barely accessible to me. Its still on my mind.

This is probably a smaller temptation, there may be bigger temptations later in life. Can such things be kept in the grey? Life is so much easier in black and white, isn't it? Isn't there something called as Karma?

Hmm..for those of you who read this today, kindly put in all your comments on what you would do and please do it anonymously. I don't want to know what you really think, i just want a consensus.

Think and then Cheers!!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Misadventures in a day

I'm still moping around after yesterdays loss at the match. The only thing to cheer me up are the flowers by my side and the red wine in the fridge. What you people must know are the misadventures of the night. This is how the series of events turned in to a nightmare.

I did my usual homework from school, went to gym on time etc etc, just to watch the screening of the match in a park. By the time me and my hubby darling got there, there was absolutely no place to sit or to stand. We somehow got glimpses of the match by a tree. They messed up my drink and I got sloppy pommes, which by the way are my favorites while watching a game of football. Not only was the game slow but this strange woman kept hitting on my hubby and bumming smokes from him. Needless to say after Spain's first goal I decided it was time to head back before I burst in to tears in public. You see emotions under the influence of alcohol are rather brutal. Also for a first timer like me who doesn't watch any game, it was pure tragedy.

After waiting an hour on the bus stop, we realized we were on the wrong stop. To make up for it, we decided to walk, only to realize that all the next bus stops were having no service. After still trying our luck at a bus stop, some German kids were kind enough to tell us that all the "Bus drivers are fuckers" and won't show up. We walked for an hour and a half, by which time I thought that our bladders were about to burst all thanks the beer.

If things hadn't gone bad already, I made BAD food and read the BAD comments on FB. Obviously I was thrashed on FB too..

So, this leaves me with only a few choices, I am NOT:-
1.Going for any more public screenings.
2.Going to watch any games as usual.
3.Going to be boisterous on FB.

Let me sleep on all these and sulk in my sorrows for now.

No Cheers!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The MAD bday BASH

Alright so you all want to know about the MAD MAD Bday bash. And this is how it all went. After having brought an entire new wardrobe and spending oodles of Euros, all it took to stir things up were a couple of great drinks.

The Bday started with us entering the favorite club of our friend called "The Party place". After a few shots of neat JD and Jag, we were not only dancing amongst ourselves but getting others including the bartenders grooving to the music. Being with single mates always means trying to get them some booty too, which we tried but ahem..we didn't get. As the night went crazier, all of us also tried our luck with pole dancing, luckily at the same time, they pressed the smoke machines so our lame acts got covered in a haze. Nothing killed our spirit, not even the lame act of some guys asking me to dance. The only consolation dancing in Amsterdam was that no guy hit on my hubby which usually happens back home in Germany. So with tons of free shots from DJs, to bartenders, to girls, we rounded up our first day.

The second night was after the victory of Germany Vs Argentina. As you all know by now, we kicked some royal ass that day. My party started with the first goal with a round of beer, followed by some wine to give company to a friend's French friends, followed by 2 Jag shots. By the time I reached "The Party place", I was already a "Disco" my head. I think my Salsa-ing and discoing sent away the French chicks and got some real nasty boys celebrating a bachelor party our way. Needless to say the boys automatically became my brothers, real best chums etc etc. After still some salsa-ing and another round of drinks,the drinks hit us bad and we decided its best to go home. Though I still felt I could have gotten a lap dance, had I pestered more.

The next day, we did "our" lunch with the ultimate sky cake. What happened an hour later was that I was in a train buzzzzzzing. The Buzz was so bad, that I could make out logic of why the German technology is the greatest. Don't ask me now, cause I'll probably need another sky cake to tell you.

So, after 100s of euros, n 100s of drinks, I finally decided to call it a birthday. But, hey did I tell you, my sisters just send me a bottle of red wine and flowers, so seems the party continues..

Whoa!! I love MY BDAYS..!!

FULL TILT Open Weave Womens Top

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Talking people

Have I told you about the "Talking people" in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way haunted or stalked. Instead everyday I have at-least one stranger talk to me. Since you all know how handicapped and illiterate I am when it comes to the German language, I am quite amused.

I just had a stranger talk to me across the street. As usual I stood there first staring at him like an ass, then I politely shook my head in agreement and then when he didn't bother to buzz off, I smiled and walked away. Now this is not a one of its kind experience. Every morning, the African woman in my class tries to converse with me, as though I've slept over her previous days conversation and woken up as an Eritrean. The people in the gym and on the streets probably mistake me for different nationalities.

How do I feel about all this. Well most of the times I am amused. But to tell you the truth sometimes I feel like a donkey who has grown horns and the world seems to tell me about my mistaken identity.

Well all this leaves me with no choice as you can see but to learn the language. The "der,das and die" of the German language is just another challenge. The bigger challenge is always to fit in. I look forward to the day where I can answer back with confidence.


7 Things I know for sure..

I've had an amazing weekend of complete indulgence. Every time I take a break, I have to put an extra effort to get back to my routine. And today is no different. How I wish the party could have gone on and on..well then again may be not. I would have definitely had to have a liver and a lung transplant.

As I turned 28, I realized that there may be a world out there that I don't know about but there are a few things that I know for sure now:-

1.I don't have to worry about meeting new people, I don't care whether they like me or not, its about whether I like them enough or not. I am sure I can make a decent conversation with people and then distance them from my life, if I find them unworthy.

2.I also know for sure that I love to party. Its got nothing to do with age. Its got to do with spirit and the fact that you can afford it all :)

3.I know I can't be best friends with normal people. Its not possible. In-fact I often use to greet new people in my life with "Trouble always finds trouble"! Now I know for sure, if you're normal, we're probably not that close.

4.I know that if you confine people in any circumstances, chances are that they will only break free for better or worse. But on the other hand if you give them all their due respect and space, they will keep coming back to you.

5.I know for sure that love does exist and that you just have to look in the right place to find it. Sometimes it just sits their right in front of you, waiting for the right time to strike.

6.I know that true friendship does exist. It is not bound by distance or by time. It props up in the most unusual circumstances and lasts through some very unusual one too.

7.Wish for only what you really want and can handle because sometimes they come true.

Too much gyan for my own good. Anyway Happy Birthdays are over now and its time to get back from my birthday week to a slog week. Time to return to my studies, my gym and maintenance work. I'll pen in some more research later.