Monday, October 29, 2012

The Oneness in the divide..

Sometimes the simplest of joys bring people closer than words or experiences ever would. Today as I sat with my guitar teacher and we strummed along the chords of "Unchained melody"..we started to hum and sing along. It was so sweet, the way he could take the low chords and when he had trouble with the high notes, I pitched in..before we knew..we had jammed the entire song and strung it along to make a must have sounded nice because his little dog came and snuggled up close beside us and looked at us for more..

Music has no language except the pain or joy of the soul..

Later today..I decided to push myself to the limits of my physical fitness. I worked with the same trainer for straight 2.5 hours. As my trainer took on trainings one after the other, she kept challenging me to go further with weights and reps. Somehow..with the right "breathing" techniques and momentum, I was able to pass through the routines without breaking too much of a sweat. The result..the formation of a bond based on respect..again no words...

Physical training requires no language or exchange of words..just the sounds of the clink of the weights and a sweet exertion..which only fitness freaks can understand..

Any form of art and I consider physical training a part of an art form because it requires the same passion and dedication to work-out day after day..unites us in such indefinite ways.

People who pursue these forms will always remain united and unchallenged from the rest of the world..and that in itself is the biggest irony of oneness in a divide..think about it..

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Marry me to the sky..

Charlyn Marie Marshal  re-itrates my feelings at the moment "Marry me..marry me to the sky.."

The first snowfall in Stuttgart...the smell of coffee and the warmth of my apartment in my doesn't get better than this on a Saturday morning. The snow seems so innocent and pure as it sets itself on the brown roof-tops of houses. There is a certain calmness and wonder in the atmosphere. Each snow-flake seems to create it's on swooshing magic..

What is it about the snow that makes the whole world around you look like a fairytale..? Each curtain in every house is drawn so wide-open and I can see almost all the people in their windows smiling around and looking at the snow fall with that cup of coffee, cocoa or tea. Are they thinking about creating their little fairytale too? Is everyone around living in this moment of wonder too, with their hearts beating in the rhythm of the snow-flakes falling on the ground?

I wish I could freeze this moment just for a bit and inhale it's beauty through and through..

After last night's cold rain..this is all I needed..a little magic..a belief..a hope..the freshness of the new season..and if I could..I would marry the sky right now..

And this is how I feel right's already been written down by Ms. Marshal :

"Bury me, marry me to the sky 
Marry, marry me to the sky
Feels like time is on my time
Bury me upside down
Cherokee, kissing me
When I’m, I’m going down
Feels like time is on my time "

Angels in the rain

As I walked home alone again tonight..I made a very crucial decision and this has not been an easy one for me today...while all the people sleep in my country..I made this decision..I don't want to walk these streets alone tonight or forever..I deserve like the rest of the people in the world be taken care of...

I don't care if it takes walking out on a marriage or a one in the world needs to be so alone so much so as to hear their on feet tap against the rough pavement and walk in the cold and unkind rain of Stuttgart alone...I think it sucks..

There won't be an angel to wake you up in the train forever..there won't be people always around to disrupt the noises in your head to make you realize that what you needed from life has to be more than a fake marriage or love...there has to be more to life than pieces of paper and virtual reality...

Yes, as I walked alone listening to the rain and my own footsteps on the rough pavement..I decided..I'm going to leave behind the society and it's bullshit philosophies to make something work..that is not real anymore...I care more about myself now than I did when I was one deserves love more than me right now..because I didn't do anything wrong except to believe in something that has completely failed me or gone wrong..I cannot live in this life full of bullshit...

I deserve to be happy..and I deserve to be taken care of..and I will never hear only my footsteps in the cold October rain again..that is a promise I make to myself...I will not wait for angels to wake me up..when I know I can have some of my own without even asking for them...

I will not wait for life to happen to me because I will happen to life from now on...that is a promise to myself..

Guns and roses already wrote a song on my experience:

"And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain"

And guess what..No rain in my life will last forever..because I hate happy Friday evening to people who are still warming up to it...

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Chase the fog out..

Yes, I jogged in to the foggy morning today, I almost felt that as I jogged faster and further, I almost chased the fog off. In reality of course it may just have been another illusion of my mind trying to motivate me to go the last few miles but I learnt something even out of that little jog.

Have you seen how much time we sometimes spent procrastinating. I spent at least a good 30% of my day, looking out of the train windows or classroom windows thinking of what might have been or what could have been, had I made a few other decisions in life. I sometimes tend to look or try to control my own future so much so that in the end, I exhaust myself with thoughts than the real work that I could do. I believe that it is almost like the fog in the morning that I was running through. At first, it looked so dangerous, I thought I could be easily hit by a careless driver driving fast on those roads, and then I slowly realized that the fog wasn't as dense as I'd made out to be. I also felt that as I ran faster, I gained more confidence and that my goal for the day kept coming closer. I had a good jog and yes in the end I did make it to my destination in spite of the "dense" fog.

I think when one sets a target for oneself whether it be a career, love or just plain joy..every force in nature comes forward to support you if you are willing to run that distance. Like the fog in the morning, there would always be reasons to self-doubt and look at the unprecedented risks of the steps you are about to take, but with determination and will, soon the other factors in life seem to dissolve like the fog today.

I know running through the fog is not a big deal but sometimes I think that the nature around us is so beautiful, it gives us a solution to the simplest of problems in its own way. I found mine :)

Saturday, October 20, 2012

The people trying to fly without wings....

And then I left the cover on the world..there comes a point in your life where people stop asking you the most important questions in your life like "Are you happy?" and "How does this person or experience make you feel?" and "Are you going to be ok if you do this?"..when people in your life stop asking you the most important's important to let go of them.... and concentrate on yourself and feel sorry for them...

I believe that life is such a long and beautiful journey that everyone around you, should be able to enjoy this journey with you. When people around you seem to be more worried about a social standing or themselves and their association with you, you should leave them behind you..forever.

I've seen that no matter what I do, I find people to love me for who I am rather than what I do. And I think that that is the most important aspect in life. There are so many people who just want to get the better of you but there are only a few, who are willing to give themselves to you, regardless of your or their circumstances, these are the people who will last or rather enjoy your journey in life with you.

Anyone and everyone who doesn't respect you, forget love, love is another theme altogether, should be disposed off as quickly as possibly, because sooner or later they will fester on your little soul. Also, disapproval in society makes you strive harder. I always say when there are more than a few, who like and respect you, there is a problem: Either you are a genius( Which is rare!) or you are not being true to yourself. Either which way, there should be only a certain few who really know you, the rest shall all be just *shit* to you..whether you were born with them or have to bear with them. The disapproval makes you insane and makes you give 110% to your living because you know that you are the only one who believes in your principles or morales and you know you have only one person to satisfy: yourself.

So make sure that there are more people who hate your guts than like you for who you are or are going to be..because then you are just going to be one of those pretentious bast**ds who will die a homeless, unfulfilled death without passion or dreams.

Life will teach you lesson that you should be prepared for rather than wonder what came and hit you..

With that thought..destroying your Friday evenings..


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Walk the line

The movie "Walk the line" takes us through the journey of Johny Cash and June Carter but that's not what I am going to talk about in my blog. I have a new take on walking the line. In the life of an artist, it is very difficult to walk this line. He walks through a thin path between a world which based on reality and creativity. The real world awaits expectations, corruption and commercialization, where you have to sell yourself just a little bit more everyday to meet up to the market or fancy "world" standards. Then there is this creative world, where your imagination knows no bounds, it can take you to the level of euphoria which no one can enjoy or dwell in except you. In between these worlds of reality and creativity, there is a little line, the line, most of us walk.

To walk this line takes skill and patience. The skill is not to fall too deeply in to either of the worlds and keep your sanity alive. (If there is a sanity that could exist). The patience to realize that these two worlds someday and somewhere might converge, when, where or how is the big mystery. 

I often envy the great gone philosophers, whose philosophies still saw the light of the day and got translated in to a science. Newton or Einstein came up with their own creative ideas and then got a place in to our science books based on their hypothesis. I think we live in harder times, where the world sees too much of blacks and whites. The expectations from us are so defined that sometimes in the process of realizing your dreams, your fire simmers. Somehow, the acceptance of colors is what the world really needs but to find that need to walk the line.

I read on a friend's Facebook update today "What's the point of trying to fit in when you will stand out anyway." With that fight for trying to fit in or if I ever had that fight..ends's so much better just being the madman walking that line between the parallel co-existing worlds.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Stars don't die, they fade away in to supernovas

As she lay on the ground with a broken wing and a thousand memories that had brought her to this point, she looked up....she looked up to see the mischievous hawks looking down at her. One by one they started to make their way down at her..with their claws, their hunger, their thirst..almost the same way that society brings you down with their expectations, judgements and their own made-up morality. It never made sense to her how the human race could do more harm amongst each other and to each other than any other alien race could do to them..but as of now she lay as a prey to scavengers..who wanted to take away the little bit that was left of her.

As the first scavengers scooped down at her, they were hit by the biggest thud on their low-lying living they saw the flock surrounding the now dying bird....the flock was one, she had flown with a while back..she wondered why they'd come now to protect her....was it her injuries that made them sympathize? Was it because all of them had spent a time together that was more meaningful than a whole lifetime? Was it because they believed that she would be ok, once she found her spirit again and learnt to fly with them again? Whatever it was, in the midst of the dilemma of acceptance for being who she was and where she was or for being seen as the weak..she decided she would not be taken in by the scavengers anytime soon...there were more flights to be taken and higher horizons waiting for her in the shining today was not the day she would be taken down....

As she licked her wounds under the wings of the protectors and made her way out of the flock in to the shining sun through the wings of the others, she looked behind. She looked behind just for a few seconds to see the wounds that had now healed in to scars. The scars just re-assured her that where she had been would never be a place that she would ever tread upon again..

She made her way up with the others..she breathed a sigh of relief at the new found freedom. The freedom that comes with the acceptance of being accepted for what she was than what she was expected to be..and she knew..she belonged in the vastness of the sky rather than in its perils.

She flew till the stars shone bright in the sky..a few remained with her..but they were there to enjoy and appreciate their journey with her..and she thought to herself..Stars don't die..they fade away in to supernovas..and sometimes just sometimes..they leave a whole galaxy behind...she belonged there with these stars..

Friday, October 5, 2012

Chasing the sunshine

Today was one of the first most beautiful days of autumn. Autumn in our little valley is usually all about the rain and the grey skies but today as nature would have it, we were blessed with an abundance of sunshine and colors.

I could breathe the autumn freshness, the flowers in the garden..if you could somehow breathe the transition of colors, I would say, I truly did that too. It's so amazing as the greens give way to the reds and maroons each year. The leaves have not started falling as yet but just the thought that they will very soon, makes you live in the moment even more.

Although each season has its own significance, autumn is always the month of transitions. First off, it makes me fall in love with the littlest of things around. The fascinating pinks and blues in the sky almost sing the song "The latest trick" by Dire straits in your ears. It also makes every vein in your body throb and feel so alive. You feel like you can work more, the smile becomes easier not just for you but for others too and some how I can even think clearer in the autumn breeze.

What is the mystery of the autumn? I try to capture it each year with my paint brushes but I can never really do justice to it..this year I'm even trying to recreate it through music..even music is not enough..

I do wonder, how it would be if autumn were a person. It would be smooth, mysterious and someone who would smell so great all the time....

Yessss..autumn is finally here. I tried to catch all the sunshine I could today, if I could, I would take rucksacks with me to capture it..I tried to catch it at coffee houses, while teaching, painting, even while making some music...and yet the sun went down...but it leaves me with a lot of hope that tomorrow..I may get to capture some more of it on my canvasses while chasing the sunshine...

Cheers to a great Friday evening!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The sixth finger

And then when familiarity left her...everyone asked who she was..she didn't recognize herself..all her friends and people she knew had left her behind..and so she was left no choice but to build a world around her..a new world without anyone from her past..

It almost became impossible for her to come back..but now everyone wanted her back..without realizing what they had done to her..she would never back...never come back on the roads that she had left behind..that was the motto of her life..never look back..the path that you look back the path that stops evolution...

Why are human beings so insecure and do they live with themselves knowing that they are moving ahead knowing that there is someone else that they are leaving behind...she had learnt the tricks of the trade from them...and so she flew away from all of them..the same way during a course of time they had decided to move away from her...

She felt no guilt..only a feeling of relief that they were all even now..and evolution had taken its due almost felt like the sixth finger going redundant..if there ever was a sixth finger...

Life is so weird..everyone you know..someday becomes like a complete stranger to you..everyone that you didn't know..tries hard and then takes a place in your heart and soul..the only mystery is...will these people also turn in to strangers with the due course of time...

To feel is a sin and to not to be the living dead...who do you choose to be in the long run? I wonder...