Monday, May 31, 2010

Passion and money

After an amazing weekend, filled with movies, being on top of the oldest TV tower in Stuttgart, its back to writing and painting.

Yesterdays entry was a result of my being overwhelmed by alcohol and thoughts that refuse to go away. I had seen the movie sex and the city 2 over the weekend which led to this craving for beautiful dresses and the company of my lovely girlfriends and sisters in Delhi.

Back in my apartment, I started to think that now that I have enough time to follow my passion, i still have this urge to spend money like i use to when i was earning back in India. Its such a sad irony we always miss what we don't have. I wish someday my passion could lead me to earn the same way. I wish we didn't always have this insatiable need to have everything. But then I think, we are all humans. And sometimes this insatiable need leads to exploring every possible human facet to make things possible.

So i am here, writing again, waiting to be discovered by some multi-national to be able to vent out my pent up energy. How? I still don't know. But i shall keep you posted on my daily thought processes and challenges.

About putting a story line to my post. That won't be possible, you see, I'm still an incomplete story in myself. I'm making my ways around. And i haven't even achieved 1/10 th of what i set out for when i came to this country.

So cheers to the week ahead..

Sunday, May 30, 2010

The sun that never sets

This is against my principles to work or write or do anything constructive on a lovely Sunday evening but i couldn't help it. The thoughts that keep coming in when i look out of my window compelled me to write. Also its the effect of some alcohol, I'm guessing.

Is there one and only unique identification to us. Is it only my paintings that can complete me, is there only my writing, is it only the money flowing in to my bank account, is it only my hubby's support, is it only me being a sister( having my siblings name tattooed), my parents daughter??? What is it??? Unfortunately, we human being can never ever have that one unique identification code to complete us??? Can we???

Hmmm...random thoughts..I'll think about tomorrow after being over my bout of insanity?? I'll write in sober tomorrow..


Friday, May 28, 2010

Its a Friday :)

The last working day of the week brings such a smile on ones face, doesn't it? After a long week of hard work, well mostly for the working and in my case, pulling off a routine. The weekend is full of broken routines and the better thrills in life.

I can't believe I'm still writing and following a pattern. In my case the pattern is 3 things:
You see, I never felt more resourceful in life even when i was working. I think a part of the reason was because i always knew i was in the wrong profession. Today I have the opportunity to sit back and do what i wish :). Well it wasn't always so, i'm the same person who got rejected 11 times before landing a job in Big City promotions. Or faced 20 odd rejections before landing up in Reliance. When i think back on all those time, I'm definitely relieved that today i can be myself for better or worse.

I was watching this movie yesterday, "The great Indian butterfly", its about how caught up in life we get, we overlook when peace, love and happiness is knocking on our door. I was so caught up in my office politics in Bangalore that sometimes i forgot to say "I love you" to my hubby. Or I overlooked when my darling flat mate made me those endless coffees over my bickering.

Take time out this weekend, look at the people you love, tell them you love them without being ashamed. Do one crazy act this weekend and be yourself.

Have a great weekend..!!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Madness: New level

Well my sister did not turn up online today. So I decided to paint us together. No I'm not losing my marbles and talking to my paintings as yet but very soon, I'll get there for lack of company.

The foreign office refuse to give me a letter which stated that I'd applied for a resident permit. With this my last few hopes of enrolling myself in a language course seemed to drown. The foreign officer was a rather rude bitch to put it mildly. She refuse to look at me and said that it was " very bad, you don't know German". I mean was she serious?? She doesn't know English?? Who doesn't speak English?? The auto wallas in Bangalore speak English for crying out loud. And I just landed in Germany 3 weeks back!! This time I didn't bury my sorrows in JD rather i took up the constructive route and worked myself out in the gym for a good 2 hours.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the chance to vent out all my frustrations to my sister so I decided to paint her :) Wait till she sees it, she'll want to kill me for sure. Anyway, the painting doesn't seem to be proportionate so I'll have to work some more on it.

Oh yeah, I also made a mental note yesterday that anyone calling me a useless housewife would be struck off my friend list. Really, most of my friends struggled to get a job for 6 months but that didn't make them losers or did it?? I've worked very hard all my life and this is my time to bask in the sun and do what I'm good at: Art and writing! And I shall do just that.

Balls to the language and the people who've regret to inform me that I'm not eligible for a job just because i don't speak their frigging language.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Black and white

The title signifies, the colors of the sky today and the painting that I just finished.

I've not thought anything today, I'm completely blank..I think the colors signify my mood too.

Being the master of your time and mood can be tough at times. Hehe..I'm kidding. It's quite easy and beautiful, the way I look at it. I've had an awesome weekend surrounded by friends and spouse, so that has slowed down my thinking process in some ways. Takes time for the brain to come back to the grind and think on its own.

I'll talk about what i just finished painting. It's a defeated lion. The lion signifies power and strength to me. I have not been able to capture the expressions so well on paper, but what touched me was the pain in his expressions. The background black and white stands for defeat and victory. In this case of course, it stands for the defeat of the invincible beast. It made me think of all the times empires fell, Kings got thrown off their throne and all the helplessness. Personally, I faced similar situations, sometimes in love and sometimes in my career. The difference in all those circumstances and the painting is that I still lived to conquer all those personal defeats whereas the lion meets death. It's true when they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I know these are strong words but if you've lived or loved life as passionately as i have, you would identify with this feeling.

So, here's cheers to life and to the painting I finally managed to complete!

Pour in your thoughts on passion and let's talk :)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Alps: The bigger thrills in Life

This has been one of the most exhilarating weekends of my life. I am somehow short of words to describe my experience, but I'll give this my best shot.

We reached Garmisch, which is in Bavaria, southern Germany after changing 3 trains. The weather was luckily on our side, which i think added to the charm of the place. It's got to be one of the most green places, with the cleanest air possible. After stuffing ourselves with greasy burgers from Burger King, we headed to the gorge there. The Partnach gorge runs a stretch of 700 meters. It has a series of galleries and tunnels, which allowed us to walk along the river and behind waterfalls. I don't think my words here would be able to do justice to the visual treat i had. But, if you guys do ever get a chance, do not miss this one.

The second part of our trip was to Zugspitze. This is the highest mountain in Germany, which is 2962 meters above sea level. It offers you an option to trek to the peak with all the hiking gear. This my friends, was the best part of the trip. Imagine, you have steep snow on both sides, and only a harness and some clips to hold on to. While climbing on the top, I'd like to admit, I slipped twice and fell right on my behind, but the thought that this could dis-balance my friends and of-course lead to a loss of life, kept me going. Its strange how much we trusted the German equipment and went ahead with their spirit. It would've been quite shameful not to do it, when little kids and old people went right ahead to do the trek.

Sitting here, again by the window, I can only tell you guys, if you plan to visit here, we must see the Alps. I'll be putting up pics shortly on FB, so that you guys can have a look at what we saw.

I know today's entry sounds more like a page from a Garmisch brochure, but I had to share this with you guys.

Bye, until next time.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Obla Di Obla Da

"Obla Di Obla goes on"

Did you know that this song is actually sung by the Beatles. Well, I didn't since we have a desi version of this song. Lord praise the inspirations of all our original Hindi music directors. Now we can run on a debate of sorts here. But i can swear some of your compositions from A.R. Rehman also seem like an inspiration from African music. Again no offense to the great Rehman or his fans.

After last night's attempt to sadness. Yes, i say attempt, because as most of you know, I hate the feeling and have often teased my peers for being bums to let this emotion even seep in. I got an appreciation to my sad cooking and lousy painting after my hubby darling returned from work.

My sister correctly put it in one of the comments last night. May be most of us have become uncomfortable with ourselves. At-least I have. Why do we look for attention or appreciation. Van Gogh for instance was criticized throughout his life for being a loon. In-fact the villagers from his village had cut off his ears. He was also discovered only after his death. Well, hopefully I won't suffer the same fate. Its a blessing in disguise to be the master of your own time. One should only know how to use it to their advantage.

I've decided to go easy on myself today. Not follow a routine and may be take on the advise of my sister a little too seriously.

I have a few friends coming in today and we plan on sight seeing the Alps tomorrow. So hopefully, i will give you guys a break from reading my random thoughts and listening to long forgotten music. Have a great weekend people! Until more thoughts compel me to connect again!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Lonely nights

This will probably be my last post for the day today. I'm high on JD and coke zero now. The only reason i write is due to the encouragement in the readership. My hubby is late today and I've made a lousy dinner. I'm a complete failure when it comes to cooking. I wish I had a personal chef. I have no interest what so ever in either eating or cooking but I do it merely to kill time and of-course survival.

My day today was a complete bore where i indulged in a rather sloppy painting and now a sloppy dinner to top it all. Our parents are to blamed to put this stupid emphasis on getting married and cooking. This is true especially for the Indian girl child!

So, with my language course being pushed up to next week, i have another boring day ahead tomorrow. Seriously, what do people do without a job. How do they kill time and why am i a complete nuisance at whiling away. I almost threatened to leave my hubby today for lack of better things to do.

If you guys are reading this, please suggest some more ways to spend my pent up energy. I've already killed myself in the gym, painted, written, read a couple of pages of a book and of-course cooked a lousy meal! Yuck! And i can still run a marathon. May be i'll have to register myself for one or join an active terrorist group! The last bit I'm kidding about, don't want to get arrested and spend my time with a bunch of loons as yet!

Unwell-Matchbox twenty

"All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something "

I don't know how many of you have heard this song but its so apt in my situation. Its been playing in my head like a record gone bad. I wonder how a particular song or a movie manages to automatically play itself in your head for hours.

Well as you might know if you follow me on facebook that i did manage to find my way to colors last evening. It gave me immense pleasure to know that I still had it in me. Do any of you ever wonder, because I use to when i was working, that we spend most of our time on things which require so much of our time and effort when we can actually spend half or none of it at all, if we were to do what we are really gifted with. For example i always thought some of my friends were so good looking and had such a lack of communication skills, they would just be better off as models. And then there were some, who were so good at PR that they could just start their own talk shows. I on the other hand was good with my hand, limited to paints and clay, because i still suck at cooking. I was stuck in a 10 hour job, which sucked my energy and enthusiasm for life. Of course on weekends or on drunk sprees I would get out my colors and be the crazy artist I always am.

Last night I celebrated the completion of my first painting in Germany with my favorite weihenstephaner beer, because of which I'll have to do an extra round in the gym today, I get guilt pangs otherwise. And I saw the movie "Pulp fiction". It struck no chord with me and i wondered how come all these movies get nominated for Oscars. This is the second Oscar movie after watching "The Graduate", that made no sense to me. So, please if you are reading this, suggest some good movies and we shall debate further.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

No sunshine

The morning brings no sunshine today, which adds to my list of disappointments since yesterday.

I'd applied for some part time jobs online but as it turns out, German as a language is a mandate everywhere. Also, when i called up people inquiring about language courses, none of them were able to understand English. So, that leads me to another visit to the language centers. Have I told you I already made 3 other visit for language courses which were too expensive. Anyway, I shall have to figure out all this too soon. I'm determined to do an animation course more than ever now.

Hey, i did get inspired to paint yesterday. Took me sometime to look around and then to finally settle down for a sketch of my guy. It had two advantages, it was easy because I'm in love and secondly, being smothered by him when he saw it on my desk.(:-)

Today I'll spend more time with my paint brushes than my pencils.

By the way I saw this movie "The graduate" last night. I don't think a movie like that would work in today's time. No offense but its way too complicated and people are way sicker today.

The sun seems to be coming out and I have my whole day ahead. I think I'll get on with it now.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Late morning

Waking up late is an art which i have come to master only in Germany. Since in Delhi or in Bangalore my routine use to be waking up by 6.30, dashing to the gym and then to office. Of course what i did in office was irrelevant to me since i was never passionate about finance unless it involved my very own stocks.

How did i get to mastering this art, watching movies late night. By the way i did watch this beautiful movie last night called, "My sister's keeper". The name got me since I had once read a moving novel, "The memory keepers daughter". The movie talks about how a young cancer patient battles out with life and wants to let go and her mom wouldn't let go. I think mothers all over the world have a hard time loosening the umbilical cord. It's a big tear jerker of a movie. I don't remember sobbing so much since the movie "Black". Catch this movie only if you are strong at heart and hopefully with a few girls.

I've got to run around now to:
1. Register myself for German courses.
2. Register myself for part time jobs (I've seen a great animation institute and I'm determined to get in it by the September semester)

Today there will be lots later! Hopefully..

Monday, May 17, 2010

Paint brushes

It's funny how a few paint brushes and colours are enough to make someone sooo happy.

I love the fact that the girl by the window can finally get on with looking out of that window and painting what i visualize as my world. It's nice to let the world see what they see by the mere stroke of your own brushes.

Creativity is one's imagination of what the world could look like when you close your eyes or when you let your mind wander off. apart from buying my new paints, i need that inspiration right now.

More later..

Friday, May 14, 2010

The first Post

Ok, the reason why i start this post is because somehow..i always manage to find my way to a window, where i think, sometimes aloud, sometimes in my head.

This one in particular starts in Germany, reason : well i have more time to think now than to probably speak aloud.

To give you guys a start for those who know me and for those who don't..people always mattered more to me than places could ever, so if I'm sitting here in Germany being from India somehow holds shit regard to me than what Indians would feel coz I still am and will be a foreigner for them till time do us all apart. Of-course we still all may like the same daaru or the same cigarettes but deep down, I'm still the unparalleled Goddess in India which I can never be here.

Imagine having a Bai do everything for you, right from waking you up, to cleaning your utensils, ironing your clothes, cooking, are spoilt..spoilt for choices blaring their horns at the look of your sedan..

So here I am to doing everything myself and facing all those routines i love it in a developed i hate it..but thats going to you'll see in the entries to come..