Being average

I think that being average has been so under rated all over the world whereas it is not as bad as it is made to sound.

I always find myself in an average situation. Like today, I did average on my test. Yes, out of a class of 18 students, I probably stood at the 9th position, just average. When I was younger, I was this plump girl with braces who probably nobody noticed in the class, I strived, I lost the braces and the weight but what I couldn’t compete with was that there were always thinner and prettier girls in our class. I even improved my grades at college and masters level but guess what, there were always a lot of people beating me up in those grades. I listened to music and read a lot of books but I still come across people who have heard more and read more. I started writing and painting but then I knew that they would be people to beat me to it too! I never knew what it was to be number 1 and I think I probably will never know. It’s not because I don’t try hard enough but…..who knows why :)

In spite of being this average being, I must admit to you today that I have a wonderful life! I must tell you the pros of being average are that when you do find yourself doing better than your expectation, you have so much to celebrate about. Being average also means, doing a lot of things. Yeah, you can dance, sing, read, and participate in any sport you want, without having the pressure to stand number 1. The only fear I don’t have is that of failing myself because I will always go for that extra mile just before killing myself.

It also means receiving extra love, no one ever sees you as a potential threat! That is so great for me since I love being around people…I love the fact that I can be greeted by innocent smiles rather than those sneaky smirks of jealousy or rejection. What I love the most is that I can hold hands with the strong and the weak and make my own path.

So…those of you who feel down and out being perfect or imperfect…think about being average..did I mention: Being Average ROCKS!

Hide and seek

Today is just another day in Stuttgart where the sun plays hide and seek with the clouds. Yeah, it seems rather amusing to watch the sun go in and out of what seems like oblivion. I know it can't sense how deeply it is wanted on a weekend like this, but I so wish to see it emerge out strong.

As I watch the sun by my window, it seems to strike just the right chord with my spirit. It's how my soul exhibits its moods on such days. Sometimes my spirit soars at the sight of the sun and on the other side..it just slips in to gloomy colours of the cloudy grey. A sense of belonging and then all of a sudden a sense of the exclusion. I try so hard to battle my imperfections and yet sometimes, there is no way out, the clouds just seem to shadow my effort like they seem to filter the sunlight today. The wind seems to be singing a new tune, it tries to push away these dull clouds to give way to the sun. This is some what like my inner thoughts which give a constant way out to all self doubts I have building up. "What does today have in store for me", I guess this is the question which the  land on which I stand today asks as well..Will it be sunny or will i just lie in the shadows...The constant hide and seek in the cloud is in complete harmony with my soul right now...

Yeah...its just another day in my little world of oblivion...I wish to rise out of these shadows of self doubt and more..and may be get a broader view of the sky..until then...I try to find the rhythm in these skies..

Cheers!!

Second chance and School days

I believe there are very few people in life who get a second chance in life. When I talk about a second chance, please don't take me very seriously...I don't mean in forms of life and death...I just mean in terms of your youth.

Unfortunately, I hated my school. I always thought it was a place for the rich,the pretty and the pretty influential! I have very painful memories of school. Back stabbing friends, lousy set of boyfriends and a partial group of teachers. When people reminisce their times in school, I have almost had nothing to share with them.

And so I always wished to God to give me another easy going chance and today I have it. Yeah being 28 and being in a school is such a joyful experience. I don't have to prove anything to anyone except myself. I don't have to have those lousy flings and things.Most of all I don't have to pretend. I can dress as I like,I can talk like me and I can just be ME!!

There is no pressure from parents or a country where people die of competing. I'm blessed to have my hubby as my guardian and competition doesn't even figure in my book :)! Since I am my own competition today.

I so wish that someone would have told me in school not to take life as seriously as I did. I wish someone had told me at 16..that all would work out well...

For those of you out there, who might read this today. I have a small message. DON'T take life too seriously..its so not worth it. Make sure you smile as much as possible and invest in yourself unless you are as fortunate as me to get this second chance.. :)

Cheers!!

What if...

I have a question for everyone who reads today. What if...you only had 365 days of your life left, starting today. What would all of you do differently. Would you..starting today..work harder and work longer? Would you rather party harder..or go on that long cruise that you have always wanted to go to...? Would you love deeper and stronger..? Would you run and walk faster..walk like you have only those few days to go. Would you look inside your soul and smile wider...because you only have those precious moments remaining? What would you do?

The reason I ask this is because I feel that somehow in everyday life, we don't try to beat our own records on some days. Yes, I believe that everyday is the day for oneself, where no one except you or rather "me" in this case is the ultimate "rock star". Even as I battle those little snow fakes on my way to work or back, sometimes even hungry, I always tell myself..this is just the beginning to the starting of becoming my own rock star someday and in some place.

I have another theory too..that every day when I become a little too comfortable and look up to the sky and say:" Hey God, is that all you got"...he gives me more to think about and face. And that is just such a kick. There is never an end to beating yourself against all odds..be it the oddity or the craziness of any situation. It's all so worth it. So get up now and do it all, take all the risks you thought are meant for someone else.

Like Kurt Cobain puts it.."It's better to burn out than to fade away..."

Cheers!!

New year beginnings

Last evening was one of those dream sequence evenings which one wishes to share with all their loved ones. As my drunk group made its way up a little hill to watch all the fire works in the sky, it felt like we owned a little bit of the sky then and there. The beautiful lighting, the fire crackers, the snow and most importantly being with loving and cheerful friends made it all so worth it.

As I looked up at the sky, where the stars had been replaced by rockets and other fire works, I wished for just that one minute, that may be this year, I will have to shine in spirit just a little brighter. It'll be a year of immense learnings. I want to make sure that in a few months time, I'm able to perfect my German to a coherent level. Also, I want to find myself painting, reading, writing and thinking much more. Last year I could have never imagined myself taking keen interest in the politics in my country or about stepping out of a system and embracing another one. But since then, I've had a lot of learning and adjusting to do.

I also wish that all the most adorable people in my life continue to succeed in their lives and pass on the glitter as much as they can ;) . I wish that my most beloved place on earth, New Delhi, becomes more patient and safe. And I wish that I can get to see it again in the near future and paint it in my colors as always!

Most of all I wish I stay how I am only better at what I do..amen..

Happy New year everyone :)

Cheers!!

"The reluctant fundamentalist"

After a longtime last night I was not able to set aside a book I was reading. I wish I had written it or write something to that effect in the future. "The reluctant fundamentalist" by Mohsin Hamid. I don't want to get in to much detail about the book because I want whoever reads this blog today, to pick or borrow a copy of the same.

There were many aspects of the book that I could relate to, for starters the constant guilt someone experiences about leaving behind a developing country for a developed country in search of better opportunities. I'm not much of a story teller right now but some day I'd like to write about this constant pain. The pain comes from a guilt that seems to en-wraps me most days and makes me think very hard about my identity. It's tough to lead a near perfect life when you think a lot.When basic necessities of life like clean water, food, shelter and electricity in our country are still a challenge, it seems to me rather indulgent to be sitting in my comfortable heated house, sometimes sipping that JD and watching news of back home, which seems like nothing less than a soap opera.

Most of us who blog today are pretty well to do or belong to a service class where we are able to meet our basic needs and sometimes even more. But even so, we are almost always talking or writing about the corruption in our country. It is not just the basic needs that are lacking but also a social character today. We produce more people in the country to be "sharks" of tomorrow rather than be the "ants" of today, which build up their own society.

Do write in with a few comments on your thoughts about the same.

I also wish whoever reads in today a happy new year in advance. I hope that in times to come, our country builds a high social character than just a high GDP number.

Cheers

Back to the pin drop silence

Yeah after all the colors, the parties, the beautiful people and all the love I received in Delhi comes the silence. A good time for introspection and new beginnings.

My trip this time as all my times in Delhi would be described as wild and wicked. Going to a shadi drunk, dancing merrily to Hindi numbers on a mehendi, the crazy house parties and TC ofcourse has left me with all the smiles I'll need to get by for the next six months. As per my sisters check list, we managed all the evenings together..I'll only have to go back for smoke house grill I guess...there should always be a reason to go back..right sis??

I also learnt something at the immigration this time, I have become a NRI. Damn, that hurt..after all my love for the city of lights and dreams..I am nothing but a non resident Indian as per my passport now. Also, NRIs are always treated as the non reliable Indians..humph...n balls to whoever created that term!

So I entered Germany back with an identity crisis this time. Yeah, I'm no longer the typical Indian, bargaining, mean, sarcastic, or with a shortage of time at hand rather I am the calm, spendthrift and jovial desi gal at heart. Also, since I wasn't born in Germany, I am definitely not the sporty, adventurous or righteous person. I am just some where in between. I have an advantage of only one aspect here and there: Time.

Yes, and in all this time, I will have to figure out who I really am and what is it that I really like. Not all the people in the world have this privilege today. But since I do, I have to know what to do with myself since my rebellion phase has been left behind in my walls at the IIT Campus. I had everything to do in the world since I was a rebel of sorts. But today defining my identity as against a rebel..I look to make a new ground.

Cheers to all the discovery and more!!