Daddy long legs

Honestly I never quite understood the meaning of the saying but since this entry is going to be dedicated to a father-daughter relationship..it just sounded very fancy. All through my life, I always felt, the only relationship that defined me was my rebellious spirit against all that my father believed in. It could have been his religious inclination, it could have been his overly protective nature, it could have been his fear : of my overly ambitious spirit against the real- world. The real world that would only always try to get me down at everything I believe in, my free spirit and my unconventional thinking.

Today as I sit here, hitting a 30 in a few months and he sits there, retired and trying to enjoy the life that he built around him, I seek him. I don't seek his approval, I seek guidance against three difficult choices that I face today.

Choice no. 1 : Quit my struggle in a foreign country and embrace the opportunities back home.

Choice no. 2: Try as hard as my spirit and little life can..to try and fit in this foreign land.

Choice no. 3: F**k 'em all and concentrate on what I was born with, my little artistic and writing talent irrespective of the competition that lies there.

Choice no. 3 just by the way was added today. Dad told me that everyone is born with a unique talent or quality, something that they never get to work on unless life leaves them no option. He said according to him, I had something I was born with, that I've just ignored or taken for granted and called as a hobby and may be I should explore what lies for me there.

Would it work? Who knows...?? I only know that today in a day and time and age, where people still talk about stupid things like gender equality. Here is a man, who has lived his whole life of 60 years trying to correct my ways. Here is me, all of 30, trying to fight him only to seek a concurrence now. At this stage in life, it is difficult to stay, what is right and what is wrong. I have only mere chances of survival given my soaring ambitions and almost dying spirit.

I can only make peace with a simple fact that I may not have been daddy's little girl but I certainly have to be daddy long legs in terms of my flight ( Yes, I did google the meaning!)

With that thought and the weekend on it's way...

Cheers!!

Inverse proportions

Did it ever happen to you that you thought about inverse proportions in your relationships? I know, it's after holi and most of you are probably down and under with your hangovers but just a quick thought. Inverse proportions, for those of you, who are not mathematically equipped means, a little of something leading to a domino of something else.

It just struck me right now....you know, this always has played a very important part in my life, the cheaper( in terms of brain value and in addition to my life) the company, the more I've had to compensate it by going to expensive places but the more rich the company, the cheaper places I'd like to go to. Hmm...what this means..is that in my life there have been a lot of people, the ones who carried little value in my life, I had to go out with them to the bigger discs, the bigger restaurants , the drive in the biggest cars and so forth, simply  because I didn't think that they would add value to my life, so loud music and the big show would make it easier for me to bear them. On the other hand, the people who really mattered to me, I've entertained them at the cheapest bars may be even a street lane. I've had the best conversations in gardens, near the CRPF dhaba, or the by-lanes of Delhi or even Stuttgart today. Sometimes I've even entertained people on the train stations in Germany or in a comfortable ride on a train or auto or even in a bus ( which I'm unpopularity known not to take in India!)

My sisters or my best friends have led me in the most difficult times in funny places, rich by experience but cheap at cost. Hmm...I won't say that that makes me low maintenance but if at all very rich in experience. I just realized that the best experiences in life have not cost me a dime but "the-not-so-great" ones have cost me a fortune!

So, if you are a really good friend of mine, please don't splurge on me. No point. Chances are that me or someone great out there is just looking for some simple company and not your money. Inverse proportions on cost-benefit analysis!

I just had a great evening in my apartment and it cost me next to nothing, just some great music and great company. At that thought, think really hard as to what makes you really happy, "the show" or just some good company with may be a nice whiskey, great music and a great companion :)

Cheers!!

The devil inside me....

The biggest devils to fight in life are those that live within you. It's the devil that struggles with patience, it always wants everything to be laid on the platter for you, it wants it all NOW. It doesn't understand life, time, obstacles and the other meagries of life.

It drives you inwards, a fast unexplainable torque. It pushes you further all the time. So whether you are running on a treadmill and your body nor your stamina can sustain you, the devil will push you harder. It's facing you, when temptations are unleashed, it could be food, alcohol, that chick/ hunk or that LBD.It drives you sleepless, when you cannot meet the goals for a day. In my case, it even makes me insane, when I only want to paint for hours or keep pouring my thoughts in to words. I also find it hard to suppress this devilish desire of inventing my own flying machine and flying off every now and then to new places. I call my vicious ambition also a play of the devil. When I see people content, the devil causes me envy, the envy that can't be fought off due to my restless nature! I want to know, does this devil live inside you too? If so, what does it usually push you towards? Does it sometimes push you so far, that you fear, it is almost self-destructive?Do we fight the devil or give in?

I'll be honest, I'm often prey to the seven sins stated by Moses. I believe the seven sins are a part of my human-ness but at the same I also know that I'm giving in to the devil, which I'm completely capable of fighting off. I let the devil play me at times, and at times I play the devil to my advantage.

The biggest monster in the world for me today is my own inner devil. It's hard for him to sleep especially when I don't have enough to do...when I still have so many ideas..and only a few expressions to express them...

So as I fight with my inner devils...figure out yours...

Cheers!!

A Chocolate Factory in my head...

Most of you, who know me, may know that I am not really a big fan of chocolates...especially the brown variety...So, though I'm not too keen on chocolates, the concept behind chocolates fascinates me. The way it's used to woo women and some men too. The whole idea of love and then the cure for heartaches and heart diseases has all been gotten down to these little pieces of wonder...

This fascination drew me to the Ritter Sport museum today. My imagination got the best of me, on my journey I pictured a castle made out of chocolate, the foyer decorated with chocolate fountains and colorful candies, all very much out of the Hansel and Gretel story. I also thought about why our very own "Amul" has not thought about this concept so far.

When I was growing-up, "Amul" had it's own chocolates right? Their butter slabs always came with a message or a saying on relevant events...wonder where their chocolates disappeared? Did competition kill them or did they not make enough profits? And most importantly why don't they have their own museum?....

Immersed in all these thoughts...I reached the Ritter Sport museum.....let me just say that it was a simple case of my "BIG" imagination meeting with an even "BIGGER" disappointment..there were no chocolate fountains..or a history behind them...or even a tour of the chocolate factory...Just some structural designs by Rita Ernst and new lighting effects of Brigitte Kowanz! Schade! Sigh.....

I don't know if Amul or Ritter Sport ever hear about my blog...but if they do..I have a few ideas in mind for them and for their followers and lovers ;) !

So keep spreading the word...

Cheers!!

Gold, Silver and diamonds

So while for most men and women...the terms gold, silver and diamonds literally mean the physical chemical elements that they are made of...for me...they've just been colors....

Yes, this is how we painters see it. So, when I walked across the fields today and saw the sunlight on the leaves that are yet to grow and the branches that are still bare, the light that reflected to me...was pure gold...I looked up and saw the sun...the sun streaming through the clouds..the outline of the clouds was pure gold..and yet we talk about equity and savings in terms of gold...try and fetch this...you can't because it's smiling at you, right in front of you, you can't touch it and you can't put it in a scientific equation and re-produce the same effect...try...it's impossible...

As I looked at the clouds..the clouds glittered in their silver glory because of the sun...try your best SLR..but the moment will never be the same cause I breathed in it and you can't....the silver lining of a cloud is suppose to be the beginning of positive life..but in my life it's almost always just that moment that I can't seem to come out of...another re-creation that can't be justified in just one element..it's the color...

The sun reflecting it's light on the snow that refuses to melt...is always like a thousand diamonds thrown in the ground..the more you try to capture it or hold it in your hand, the more you realize that it's just water and earth and a reflection of colors and your imagination that you can never possess...

And that my friends is the Gold, Silver and Diamonds of life...look at them...live in that moment..because sooner or later..you will realize that it is all just an illusion! Like everything else is....

Cheers!! TGIF!!

An uncomplicated life

I have to be honest, watching Oprah Winfrey and I mean just watching her on TV, somehow always cleanses my soul. She is in India currently and I watched her give an interview to Barkha Dutt. She has always inspired the good in me and given me so much hope. Some of that hope, I carry with me in my uncomplicated life.

Me and my best friend once concluded that "Life is as simple, as we make it and can get as complicated as we want it". The simple theme of an uncomplicated life is almost always in front of us : Nature. My window overlooks a garden with some trees, bushes and the green grass. The weather in Stuttgart is not always kind. And although, I sit cozily in my heated apartment, the nature outside always makes me smile. On days when I'm happy, I always see the branches of the tree dancing to the tunes of the wind. The grass on the ground withstands the rain and the snow and always seems to stay green. The bushes though bare of leaves today, always seem to stand with pride and dignity. And nature in it's totality seems to be so uncomplicated in spite of facing the four seasons, each year.

I bet the grass, the bushes and the trees never compete with each other over their heights, weights or what beautiful flowers or fruits one of them can bear. They just all seem to be standing in their own sync and rhythm. Why don't we learn from them?

Each of us has our own place in life. Why then do we question our abilities? (I'm guilty of this as well!) Why is it so hard for us to accept normality? Isn't being normal in itself so unique?

As I gazed out of my window today and listened to Oprah talk about belonging to the bigger ocean in life, I have to admit, I believe that I too am a part of the bigger ocean. What I have today, is based on the choices I made in life and that I am proud of. The nature outside inspires me to try to the best of my abilities and be the best that I can be. Then why do I put a timeline or limit to what I can do?

The beauty of it all is, that the answers have always been in front of me, in nature and its magnanimous splendor and that is "The uncomplicated life".

Cheers to a wonderful Sunday!!

The meaning of you and I...

I had the most brilliant day today! Yeah, a couple of friends listening to a few beats...nice music and the awesome ambience that my home offers (only peace and tranquility). It makes me think of the unspoken words and the feeling of gratitude. The feeling of unspoken bliss and immense gratitude of life!

So if I were to live my life never thanking the people in my life of the experience that they give me, will that mean me being selfish or a saint in meditation ?? The thoughts just don't come to me from reading a "Fountainhead" or the "Atlas shrugged" by Ayn Ryand but by simple feelings of life. I have had these euphoric moments before. And trust me, being the believer that I am, I've always thanked God, at the end of each night that's been so mesmerizing!

To all the people out there, who mean the world to me, please don't expect me to come forward to thank you, because my philosophy in life, is to carry you in my heart and not in my words. The day the world expects me to thank them for what they've been to me, the world and the people that live in it, lose their meaning in life to me. Does a mother expect her child to thank her? Does a mentor expect that word of praise from his pupil? Does nature ever expect us to write it a note of gratitude?

I don't expect words from the world, I expect magic, miracles and action. If I see that you need words, I'll take them away from you, if I see that you expect gratitude, I will never give it to you. If you expect nothing, then without saying anything, I will give you much more than you could ever imagine....

My world comprises of feelings, music, art and living. The words...they are just words and will be lost in a world of transition. Embrace the moments that we have had or will have because tomorrow you and I will be in different places. A place without words. The memories and experience is all that will remain between you and I.

No more words!Think about it...

Cheers!!