Can fate hear us? After a day of great disappointment, I sit here on my bed, wondering if fate ever hears us? Does fate do what we want it to do, or does it merely follow a path of its on called : providence/destiny.
After a day which I would term as a complete wash out, I feel like I'm out here, a place called nowhere. I visited the arbeitamts today, which is an employment office in Germany. I got myself out of bed at an earlier hour, I battled the big down pour today, put on my best official coat and set out for a job yet again. This time I was not faced with a harsh harping German lady asking me to learn a language but asking me for a valid work permit. At the foreign office earlier today, I was told I need a job first and then a work permit. The vicious circle of events left me with nothing but another dead end.
I wonder what does one really have to have to keep on going in a world made of nothingness. If you look at my resume today, it may not impress you as that of a Harvard graduates', but its not so bad. I think I've proved myself in every degree, even at every work place, then what is it that keeps the whole world in giving me a decent white collared job?
Its been a despairing day but its gotten me to think about my fate. I'm pretty sure I don't want to die being a mere dependent as my visa states today. I cannot imagine myself to be a glorified housewife, since spending money doesn't give me that kind of satisfaction as earning it. How longer will I have to keep proving myself till I meet a fate of my own.
Does fate listen to us when we are trying so hard and meeting these dead ends? Does it hear me when every atom in my body screams that I need to work for what I spend? Does it hear me when I say I want to be with my sister right now? Does it give any direction to the fact that I want to be with no one right now but the three friends that I started out with in Engineering? DOES IT HEAR ME AT ALL?