How many of you ever thought that you were adopted? As a child i had these miserable thoughts of being an adopted kid in the family but as i grew older those miseries faded away as i struck a stark resemblance to my mom.
I had always had this fear of not being loved the most by someone. I always wanted to be my mom's most loved baby, my sister's most loved sibling, my friend's (and all my friends) best friend etc etc. Of-course as i grew up, the realities of life dawned upon me. My mom had to love all of us. My sister had to love my brother and my friends could make better friends with time. Trust me, the realization was pretty shattering (I'm sure you are all just as amused). I remember a time when i hated that my two best friends were dating. It was like I would no longer be "The apple of their eye", I turned to probably being a raisin.
I still have a hard time coping up with being second best, second best loved.I had these thoughts before coming to Germany.I was going to a whole new country which would only treat me as being second best. I would be in a community where i would be treated as second best. I would not be spoken to in my best language. All these phobias continued to mess me up.
But what I learnt is that with time and different places you get adopted. My neighbor who is a German has almost adopted me as her grand daughter and so I've taken to her as a grand mum. A really cool grand mum who I can share a smoke and a drink while watching the perfect sun set. A class mate of mine just called me her niece. She told me i could come by her place or could call upon her whenever there be a need.And so i got adopted again.
As we walk through time and places, we make new relationships, some that make life easy on day to day basis, some that sustain and some that do not make it to the length of our life-span. The point is as you try to adapt with time and culture, you see that they adopt you too. It's a wonderful reciprocation.
Hmm..I don't feel so bad about being second best after-all.