They told me fountainheads can't and don't exist anymore. In this fast world of speed and momentum, we as people are constantly evolving, setting up goals, achieving them and moving on to the next best goal. And then on a constant repeat mode of excellence. I wonder if everyone out there moves as fast as I think I do?
Why do I find myself more and more away from crowds and closer to my inner self. Why do I find places, people and small talk rubbish unless it brings something in to my beautiful and peaceful world? Why do I push the underdogs, the bores, the depressed and the cruel away? Have I become the cruel and heartless?
It may have started by being turned away too much and being roughened up too often. My situations have made me who I am today and I follow a discipline I find many people lacking today. Inspite of my order in life, I've come to a point where my heart longs so much more and I feel I can't settle with just anything that comes my way. First I'm afraid I'll hurt the weak in the longer run and second may be I'm still not that heartless.
The fountainhead propagated a theory which fit my vision and imagination of the future. Cold, clean and beautiful structures. I imagined it more colourful honestly but still done to perfection. I did imagine in that bright and cold world, a Howard Roark and a Dominique who never compromised on their ambitions and visions. Yet they could find each other. The book didn't talk about an ending but it did say they were on the way to build up their empires. I'm on that search of finding that empire and my Howard Roark.
Why am I writing and publishing this today..because I want you out there to remind me if I forget all this in my red wine frenzy and dare to slip again. I have to be strong and I need friends to hold me together and protect me in this time from falling from grace. Help me in my search to find myself again and never lose it again.